STEPMOM'S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

After doing some research and through some of my own experiences, I have a stepmom's christmas wish list.Holidays can be stressful because they are important functions for families. Christmas and step families together can produce anxiety.Different situations can produce different types of stress.You have multiple home,multiple parenting,multiple grandparenting and in-laws with a step family. Stepmom's often feel the brunt of everything during the holidays because the planning often falls on her.My step daughters mother is deceased so I do not have to deal with some of the complexities during the holidays. When you are dealing with a biological mom,my advice to you during the holidays would be to be flexible,good communication,don't stress over the small stuff and make sacrifices when needed.

STEPMOM'S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

1.Educate yourself-read a good book on step parenting and learn about the experiences of women with step children and about couples in remarriage.This way you will understand what I 'm going through and be able to listen and speak to me in new ways.

2.We are not a first family so we are not necessarily going to look,act or feel like one.To understand this would be a great gift.

3.Ask what I need over the holidays.Invite me for coffee,out to lunch,or offer to keep the children. Help me remember who I am-sometimes women partnered with a divorced dad gets so consumed in the role of step mom that they forget they are also a daughter,sister,friend,coworker,etc.

4.Try to listen without judging and understand that step parenting is sometimes complicated.

5.Please tell me sometimes that you appreciate what I am doing as a stepmom and you've given me a gift that I'll treasure for years.

In closing,remember stepmom's, to spend time during this Christmas season with the ONE who gives you strength in times of stress and seek his wisdom in all that you do. Also, I want to thank my sweet,understanding and wonderful husband who gives me so much support and is by my side in all that I do.Continuing the journey! Merry Christmas!

THANKSGIVING DAY

I am writing this a few days after Thanksgiving,but that's ok. We had a great thanksgiving with my husband's family. It was great to see everyone. There are some family members that we have not seen in almost a year. It seems as though we all have very busy lives with jobs, family,and other obligations.We often miss out on just being together with family and getting to spend time together and just talk to each other. It doesn't matter what you talk about,but it is important to talk to form relationships or to build on the relationships you already have.We need to put away our cell phones and IPODS and sit face to face with each other and just TALK.Whether it's your spouse,your child,brother,sister,parent,or friend. My stepdaughter and I did this just this morning.We woke up early and went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. We were there at 630 am. For a 15 year old teenage girl that was awesome that she even wanted to get up and go at that hour of the morning.We have done this on several occasions.We sat by the warm fire,ate french toast and just talked. That was FUN even at that hour of the morning.We are growing our relationship-That is GOD at work! Continuing the Journey!

TRADITIONS

I LOVE Thanksgiving!!!! With Thanksgiving day a few days away,I think about the many things that I have to be thankful for. I am so very thankful for my family-my husband, my 2 sons, my stepdaughter, my daughter-in-law, my parents,sister ,brother and their families,and my inlaws and 2 sister-in-laws and many neices and nephews. I have the BEST family. My 2 sons are graduating from college and I am very proud and thankful.I am thankful for our health and jobs.I am thankful for God showing and teaching me how to grow a stepfamily.With God's guidance and alot of prayer,great things are happening.A few days ago my stepdaughter ask if we were going to do a tradition this year that we started the year she came to live with us-each of us would take a turn picking a movie to all watch together once a week during the month of December.At the age of 15, I wasn't sure she would want to continue this,but this has become a tradition to her.Traditions play a huge role in holidays. When family traditions are continued,they reinforce family identity.For my stepdaughter,this is huge. In stepfamilies you should usually create new traditions slowly while holding on to old ones. My stepdaughter and I are creating some new traditions. We have done 1 bible study together and will be starting another one soon. She has her own Christmas tree in her room to decorate on her own with her choice of ornaments.Holidays can be stressful times,but as a stepmom remember to keep your eyes on Christ and follow his example and this WILL have an impact on your stepchild. Continuing the Journey! Happy Thanksgiving !!

ENCOURAGING MOMENTS

As a stepmom,I try very hard to continue building my relationship with my stepdaughter(Hope).She has been living fulltime with her dad and me for almost 3 years.A few months ago I started having some "encouraging moments".Encouraging moments are things that show me we are getting to know each other better and becoming closer.This kind of close relationship develops with time and ALOT of PRAYER.Some encouraging moments for me are that my stepdaughter loves my blog. She even has my blog on her list of favorites.She also has a photo of me on her facebook page.How cool is that!! She has complimented me on things like my cooking.She has even written me a few personal letters thanking me for things I have done for her. I feel that God is looking at our step family saying "Let me keep showing you how good things can be".Continuing on the Journey!

A NEW DESIGN FOR BLOG

I love my new look for my blog. Thanks so much to HOT bliggity BLOG and Casey for all her work and creativity in the design. It looks FABULOUS!!

BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR STEPCHILD

My stepdaughter and I recently completed a bible study together entitled ' A Young Women's Guide to Making Right Choices' by Elizabeth George.This was an awesome bible study that I would recommend to any mother of a teenage girl. I can't say enough good about it. My stepdaughter and I would do the bible study together weekly and discuss the topic for that week. This led to many interesting conversations. We usually went to Starbucks to have the bible study.We even had a few people stop and comment on what we were doing which I thought was neat.In doing this study,I learned alot about what teenage girls are going through today. Also,I feel this has brought us closer together. As some of you know, Hope's mother passed away several years ago and it is really important for a girl to have a female role model. I pray that I have a heart like God to share with my stepdaughter in life's ups and downs.I know that God is in control, not me and  I know that I am right where he wants me to be.To be honest,when Hope first came to live with me and her dad fulltime, I was unprepared and overwhelmed by such a sudden change and responsibility.  In saying that ,what I have learned is that if God does not change a situation, he will surely change us.

CONTINUING ON THE JOURNEY OF DRIVING

As a follow up to my last post ,my stepdaughter and I are continuing the driving lessons. The more she drives ,the better she gets. She has started to conquer the main roads and highways with some reservations but improving each time. This can be compared to being a stepmom or should I say learning to be a stepmom. The more you "practice" ,the better you become.The more you do together and get to know each other, the better you are at being a stepmom. When you begin to drive down the roads of life with them, it is on this long journey that you will experience many twist, turns and detours. You will also experience many joys, triumphs and accomplishments. Being a stepmom also comes with some reservations at times-wondering if you are doing things the "right way" at the "right time". Sometimes as a stepmom you feel as though you don't quite measure up to some of the worlds expectations. I continually look to my Heavenly Father for wisdom, guidance and strenghth to be a godly stepmom. Without him, I would drive down many dead end roads of life.I want to conquer the many highways of life with My God as the driver.AMEN!!