COMFORT

      I have been away from the blogging world for some time now. I felt myself getting burned out with it and just needed a break. The last time I posted was 5 months ago. The stepmom life is continuing to grow and change each day. Some days I feel like I am taking steps forward and some days taking steps backwards. This is not with just step parenting,but in most relationships this happens.

     Lately, I have had a heavy heart for my son who graduated from college almost a year ago and is still looking for a job.Did I also say that he is living with us? He desperately wants to find a job and move out. I have been finding myself with a rollercoster of emotions as a mom and a stepmom.They each bring about different issues and challenges.

      After talking with my husband today,I am so desperately trying to enjoy this time of my life and the detours it has taken.I am trying to enjoy each day whatever it brings. I have so very much to be thankful for-one is a husband who supports me and is there for me. I find myself seeking peace and comfort. I have looked for this in many things-work,money,material things. I know that to truely have peace and comfort that I have to look to God. I have to surrender to him daily,sometimes hourly and let him handle all the "stuff" in my life.

     "YOU ARE GOD-YOU ALONE-OF ALL THE KINGDOMS OF THE EARTH.YOU MADE THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH."(ISAIAH 37:16).

       I want to leave with this thought-If God made the heavens and the earth,then I know that he can handle all the 'stuff" in my life.


       CONTINUING THE JOURNEY!!

Put Your Marriage First

         I have been in a FUNK lately! I have not had the time or motivation to blog lately. I have had some extra stressors in my life and the devil has been showing up here and there. I am off from work this week-YIPEE!!! I plan to get some rest and relaxation.
          I read an article a few days ago that concerns stepfamilies and I want to share this with you. A recommendation made in this article is that when a stepfamily is formed,the marriage relationship MUST come first.The children should be prepared in advance that the pre-existing parent/child relationship be reduced to the "backseat". I feel this is very important in stepfamilies. It is in everyone's best interest that a new stepfamily succeeds. As I continue on this journey of step parenting, I struggle at times how to spread my time with all individuals involved-my husband, my 2 sons and my stepdaughter.This changes everday due to circumstances and everyone's schedules, but I firmly believe in PUTTING YOUR MARRIAGE FIRST.This will secure the child's sense of wellbeing in the long haul. Continuing The Journey!
        

Dealing with the Whys of Step Parenting

       When you become a stepmom there are many times you ask the question-WHY? Why is being a stepmom so hard at times? Why can't a spouse and their ex get along for the childs sake? Why do people harbor so much resentment that it affects their health after a divorce? Why did my child not want to come to visit me on my weekend to have them? Why so many lies? Why do some people think stepmoms are wicked? Why did my stepdaughters biological mom die at this time of her life?
        As I was walking recently,I was asking God some WHY's and this is what I am learning. God allows all of us to be tested and when you are a step parent you are definitely tested and ask WHY many times. God knows about all of our "stuff" we have in our lives.He knows what is going to happen in our lives and what we are going through and will go through. .I am learning to try not to fix and solve everything in life.I am learning to quit asking God so many WHY questions and to let him be the ruler of my life in all my problems.God can handle all of our"stuff" if we just let go of our worries and WHY's and give them to him.Are you surrendered to give him all your stuff? Continuing the Journey!

The Busy Life of Step Parenting

I have been so busy lately and have not been able to blog as much as I would like to.Blogging is very good therapy! Let me update you on things-Hope is going to the prom and we are having so much fun getting ready. We have the dress and shoes. BEAUTIFUL DRESS!!!! Now we are looking for jewelry and have appointment for hair and nails.If any of you know Hope, a few years ago you would have never thought she would even want to wear a dress,much less a prom dress.Photos of dress will be coming soon.She is certainly becoming a beautiful young woman. Hope and I are going to Extrordinary Women Conference in Greenville,SC this coming weekend. We are looking forward to a girls weekend. Driving lessons are continuing,with drivers ed class in April. Time is going so fast -Hope was 12 years old when she came to live with us fulltime and now she is almost 16. In giving you this update, I want to encourage stepmoms that a relationship with your stepchild does take time.I want to share a few tips I have learned along the way that helped me. There are certainly many more,but these helped me.

S-SPEND TIME WITH THEM DOING SOME THINGS THEY ENJOY-
T-TALK WITH THEM ABOUT SCHOOL,CHURCH,FRIENDS,FAMILY
E-EXPLAIN RULES AND EXPECTATIONS TO THEM
P-PATIENT-BE PATIENT WHILE YOU ARE BUILDING A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR STEPCHILD-THIS CAN TAKE YEARS TO DEVELOP
C-COMFORT THEM WHEN NEEDED
H-HAVE FUN WITH THEM-GO SHOPPING,GO TO MOVIES-DO WHAT THEY ENJOY WHEN TIME ALLOWS
I-INVOLVE THEM IN THINGS THAT WILL HELP THEM TO GROW AND MATURE-GOOD CHURCH YOUTH GROUP IS GREAT
L-LISTEN TO THEM AND SHOW THEM LOVE
D-DISCIPLINE THEM AS NEEDED

Please be encouraged along the way in your step parent journey.I hope that your relationships will develop and grow with your stepchild.Years down the road , I hope we can both look back and remember all the many ups and yes sometimes difficult times that helped get us to where we are today.CONTINUING THE JOURNEY!!

Stepmoms Need Encouragement

As stepmoms our lives are so busy,hectic and full of turmoil at times.We have to deal with alot of different people and alot of different situations that "normal families" do not experience. These involve stepchildren, exwives,grandparents from both sides,aunts,uncles and cousins from all sides.My stepdaughter's mother is deceased but relatives and situations from the biological mother still impacts our lives and always will. We as stepmoms can try to reach across to the other side (ex's family) to keep family ties for stepchildren.Oh, the many things we do for our stepchildren,some noticed and some will forever be unnoticed. Most stepmoms do like some validation from others that they are doing a good job as a stepmom.I am so very thankful for a husband that appreciates the things I do to help raise his daughter as a full time stepmom. I am coming to realize and accept that very few people realize and give thanks to stepmoms outside of a spouse except of course my own mom.She has given me much encouragement. Despite all of our challenges and turmoils as stepmoms,I challenge you and myself to PERSEVERE. To persevere as a stepmom,at the top of the list for me is to PRAY. I realize that I am not on this journey alone but that God is by my side leading me every step of the way.So stepmoms,as the road gets rocky and rough at times, and it will,put your strenghth in the greatest encourager of all-OUR HEAVENLY FATHER! Continuing The Journey!





STEPMOM'S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

After doing some research and through some of my own experiences, I have a stepmom's christmas wish list.Holidays can be stressful because they are important functions for families. Christmas and step families together can produce anxiety.Different situations can produce different types of stress.You have multiple home,multiple parenting,multiple grandparenting and in-laws with a step family. Stepmom's often feel the brunt of everything during the holidays because the planning often falls on her.My step daughters mother is deceased so I do not have to deal with some of the complexities during the holidays. When you are dealing with a biological mom,my advice to you during the holidays would be to be flexible,good communication,don't stress over the small stuff and make sacrifices when needed.

STEPMOM'S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

1.Educate yourself-read a good book on step parenting and learn about the experiences of women with step children and about couples in remarriage.This way you will understand what I 'm going through and be able to listen and speak to me in new ways.

2.We are not a first family so we are not necessarily going to look,act or feel like one.To understand this would be a great gift.

3.Ask what I need over the holidays.Invite me for coffee,out to lunch,or offer to keep the children. Help me remember who I am-sometimes women partnered with a divorced dad gets so consumed in the role of step mom that they forget they are also a daughter,sister,friend,coworker,etc.

4.Try to listen without judging and understand that step parenting is sometimes complicated.

5.Please tell me sometimes that you appreciate what I am doing as a stepmom and you've given me a gift that I'll treasure for years.

In closing,remember stepmom's, to spend time during this Christmas season with the ONE who gives you strength in times of stress and seek his wisdom in all that you do. Also, I want to thank my sweet,understanding and wonderful husband who gives me so much support and is by my side in all that I do.Continuing the journey! Merry Christmas!