Stepmoms Need Encouragement

As stepmoms our lives are so busy,hectic and full of turmoil at times.We have to deal with alot of different people and alot of different situations that "normal families" do not experience. These involve stepchildren, exwives,grandparents from both sides,aunts,uncles and cousins from all sides.My stepdaughter's mother is deceased but relatives and situations from the biological mother still impacts our lives and always will. We as stepmoms can try to reach across to the other side (ex's family) to keep family ties for stepchildren.Oh, the many things we do for our stepchildren,some noticed and some will forever be unnoticed. Most stepmoms do like some validation from others that they are doing a good job as a stepmom.I am so very thankful for a husband that appreciates the things I do to help raise his daughter as a full time stepmom. I am coming to realize and accept that very few people realize and give thanks to stepmoms outside of a spouse except of course my own mom.She has given me much encouragement. Despite all of our challenges and turmoils as stepmoms,I challenge you and myself to PERSEVERE. To persevere as a stepmom,at the top of the list for me is to PRAY. I realize that I am not on this journey alone but that God is by my side leading me every step of the way.So stepmoms,as the road gets rocky and rough at times, and it will,put your strenghth in the greatest encourager of all-OUR HEAVENLY FATHER! Continuing The Journey!





A DAY IN THE LIFE OF STEPMOMS

The life of a stepmom is a daily journey. Each day can bring new and different challenges.The challenges are unique when the child's biological mom is deceased.You may think life is going along smoothly,then emotions arise out of nowhere at times from a stepchild. When a child allows more room in their heart for the stepmom, the child may feel like they are "forgetting" Mom. This is a fear some children have of their deceased mom. A child's emotional attachment to a deceased parent continues after death.Encourage children to keep their thoughts alive. One way as a stepmom to do this is to encourage the child to keep photos of her mom in a special place in her room. Use natural triggers of life to talk with your step child about her mom(e.g.,while eating at her mom's favorite restaurant). As a stepmom, be open to listen to stories about special memories with them.Also talk to your step child about how they can make room in their hearts for their stepmom also and still keep their mother's memory alive. God provides enough love for all the special people in our lives. If possible,keep the child and the mother's extended family in contact and involved in their lives.Besides all of the above,my days as a step mom may be something like this-taking her to school,making sure she has what she needs as far as school supplies,cooking supper,getting her to church activities and encouraging her involvment, preparing breakfast at times for the youth group on Sunday mornings,taking her shopping for clothes,doing a bible study with her,talk to her about friends and life as a teenager,take her to friends and have friends over,practice driving with her, take her out to eat,take her to get her hair cut, take her to orthodontist and doctor when needed. My husband and Hope's Dad is always there to help with all of the demands of life.I am very blessed to be married to him.That's another blog post-ha!! I am striving to learn to appreciate and enjoy today as a stepmom.Continuing The Journey!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I want to wish all stepmoms a Happy New Year for 2011.Being a stepmom can be challenging,but also rewarding. Look to the new year with a positve attitude ,encouragement from family and friends and most important look to God for guidance in all things.God sometimes uses family life to teach spiritual lessons to us.As a stepmother,you have a special gift to choose to love your stepchild that is not your own.This can be an opportunity to let God teach you how to love others like our Heavenly Father loved us.This choice will enrich your life in ways you can't imagine if you open your heart.I read a blog entree for New Years Resolutions for stepmoms that was very good-http://thehappystepmother.blogspot.com
                                 Continuing the Journey!

STEPMOM'S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

After doing some research and through some of my own experiences, I have a stepmom's christmas wish list.Holidays can be stressful because they are important functions for families. Christmas and step families together can produce anxiety.Different situations can produce different types of stress.You have multiple home,multiple parenting,multiple grandparenting and in-laws with a step family. Stepmom's often feel the brunt of everything during the holidays because the planning often falls on her.My step daughters mother is deceased so I do not have to deal with some of the complexities during the holidays. When you are dealing with a biological mom,my advice to you during the holidays would be to be flexible,good communication,don't stress over the small stuff and make sacrifices when needed.

STEPMOM'S CHRISTMAS WISH LIST

1.Educate yourself-read a good book on step parenting and learn about the experiences of women with step children and about couples in remarriage.This way you will understand what I 'm going through and be able to listen and speak to me in new ways.

2.We are not a first family so we are not necessarily going to look,act or feel like one.To understand this would be a great gift.

3.Ask what I need over the holidays.Invite me for coffee,out to lunch,or offer to keep the children. Help me remember who I am-sometimes women partnered with a divorced dad gets so consumed in the role of step mom that they forget they are also a daughter,sister,friend,coworker,etc.

4.Try to listen without judging and understand that step parenting is sometimes complicated.

5.Please tell me sometimes that you appreciate what I am doing as a stepmom and you've given me a gift that I'll treasure for years.

In closing,remember stepmom's, to spend time during this Christmas season with the ONE who gives you strength in times of stress and seek his wisdom in all that you do. Also, I want to thank my sweet,understanding and wonderful husband who gives me so much support and is by my side in all that I do.Continuing the journey! Merry Christmas!

TRADITIONS

I LOVE Thanksgiving!!!! With Thanksgiving day a few days away,I think about the many things that I have to be thankful for. I am so very thankful for my family-my husband, my 2 sons, my stepdaughter, my daughter-in-law, my parents,sister ,brother and their families,and my inlaws and 2 sister-in-laws and many neices and nephews. I have the BEST family. My 2 sons are graduating from college and I am very proud and thankful.I am thankful for our health and jobs.I am thankful for God showing and teaching me how to grow a stepfamily.With God's guidance and alot of prayer,great things are happening.A few days ago my stepdaughter ask if we were going to do a tradition this year that we started the year she came to live with us-each of us would take a turn picking a movie to all watch together once a week during the month of December.At the age of 15, I wasn't sure she would want to continue this,but this has become a tradition to her.Traditions play a huge role in holidays. When family traditions are continued,they reinforce family identity.For my stepdaughter,this is huge. In stepfamilies you should usually create new traditions slowly while holding on to old ones. My stepdaughter and I are creating some new traditions. We have done 1 bible study together and will be starting another one soon. She has her own Christmas tree in her room to decorate on her own with her choice of ornaments.Holidays can be stressful times,but as a stepmom remember to keep your eyes on Christ and follow his example and this WILL have an impact on your stepchild. Continuing the Journey! Happy Thanksgiving !!

ENCOURAGING MOMENTS

As a stepmom,I try very hard to continue building my relationship with my stepdaughter(Hope).She has been living fulltime with her dad and me for almost 3 years.A few months ago I started having some "encouraging moments".Encouraging moments are things that show me we are getting to know each other better and becoming closer.This kind of close relationship develops with time and ALOT of PRAYER.Some encouraging moments for me are that my stepdaughter loves my blog. She even has my blog on her list of favorites.She also has a photo of me on her facebook page.How cool is that!! She has complimented me on things like my cooking.She has even written me a few personal letters thanking me for things I have done for her. I feel that God is looking at our step family saying "Let me keep showing you how good things can be".Continuing on the Journey!